Love: Selfish or Selfless?

Hello there folks!

wandererh asked the question Is Love selfish or selfless? which is something that rose a few relationship issues at some point with one of my girlfriends where she couldn't understand my perception of love, so his question gave me a nice subject to write about, specially since it was rather an issue for me at some point...

You'd like to know, wouldn't you?! That's the million dollar question and I am not planning on answering it here as the answer can be rather subjective depending on our different personalities but I guess I'll try to give it an objective explanation, even if it isn't really romantic.

According to Cambridge's Dictionary

to like another adult very much and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, or to have strong feelings of liking a friend or person in your family

Now that is a pretty short explanation which basically says "when you like someone" but love is much more deep than that and there are so many kinds of love, friends love, partners love, family love, mother-child love...

From what I have learned through life, love is nothing more than being able to give another important someone as much as you can, caring for them, standing with them all the way, when you're even willing to give your life for that other someone.

Love is a genuine and deep feeling of caring for a person, when their problems become yours and their happiness fills you with joy.

One of the best definitions of love I have ever read and pretty much sum it all, comes from the bible (Weather you're catholic or not you have to admit, there are a lot of wise lessons and definitions in the bible)

Corinthians 13:2-10

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

That's one deep definition of love, but it does not answer our question...

OK, I know you're eager to find out weather it is selfish or selfless, in all honestly the real answer is only inside you, as it depends on what love is to you. What you can give for someone Else's joy? Or how someone Else's makes you feel?

Nevertheless, from what i have been able to gather from society I have always noticed a few marks, in all kinds of love, even in mother-child love, which must be by far the most selfless love ever.

Love as we could read up, according to Corinthians, give it all and takes expects nothing in return, however, how far is that true?

Just think of it, when you tell someone that you love them, what do you expect from them? Most people expect "I love you too" and if you don't get that? Most people walk away pissed or depressed, probably with the intentions of never looking back. So we are expecting something...

Some other times, we expect the other person to support us, care for us, be kind to us, share our emotions, make us feel safe and comfortable.. so we're then again expecting something for us. There we're being selfish

But also when we love, we want to give the world to the other person, take them out of all misery, stay with them until the end of time and even a simple smile can light up our world. In such cases we're being selfless.

As you can see, it really varies, some people don't expect nothing at all while others expect it all, some only care about giving while others want to receive.

When you truly and deeply love someone, you want that someone to be as happy as possible, even if that means your own happiness, however that doesn't mean you have to let go at the first attempt to prove how real your love is nor anything similar.

When you love someone, you want to be part of that someone's life, you want their happiness to be yours and yours to be theirs, but if you don't let them go ever your love is simply nothing more than an obsession.

This doesn't mean that when you really love you'd let that person walk away on the first chance, you're far wrong. That would only mean you didn't really care at all for that person and it wasn't real love.

When you love someone you'll fight and try to make it work, give it all your best efforts, but once you will realize when it can't work and you will not try to hold that other person back, you'll let them go once you've realized its time...

As I said when I started this hub, we all are different and we have different personalities and depending on those personalities how we love or what love is can vary a lot.

If you're the giving type of person you can probably love without even thinking about receiving something in return. If you are a bit more self-centered you'll expect more than you'd give.

In any case what i explained up here represents only my sole perspective of love from what I have been able to gather around and what I have learned by watching, listening and experiencing.

Don't forget though, in love you always give and receive, love has no mistreats and it will never seek any kind of harm :)

Hope you liked it!

Greetings :)